Sunday, October 28, 2012


We dance around a ring and suppose
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows
~Robert Frost

I've managed to fix most of the bugs in my head by cutting into the loop of obsessive thinking.  So far, so good- I actually think I can go forward with this.  But coming off the cycle, I somehow face a different, new and astonishing problem.  It feels like my brain is looking for something to stimulate itself like something intellectualizing to focus on.  It feels as if my brain is bored and needs something!  So I currently feel like Renton in Trainspotting when he's trying to come off of heroin (ok maybe not that extreme but you get the picture).  In his words, my brain would need a hit! Is this common in recovering OCD patients or am I just too smart for my own sanity?

I am so glad that you are making headway.   In terms of your feeling like you are coming off a drug, that is perfectly normal.  Obsessive thinking is like a vortex into which we leap whenever we feel anxious.  It is exactly like a drug that “fixes” anxiety, and its incessant loop an addiction.  There is no escape until you cut into it, as you are doing now.   

What you are experiencing is freed energy that used to be poured into the vortex of obsessive thoughts: maybe I should, what if I don't, what if, what if, what if...

What can you do with the energy that has been released from the broken loop of such thoughts?  Nothing.  Seriously!   Do nothing.  You have heard the expression "don't just do something, sit there"?  That applies here.  Just be with your anxiety and breathe.  The craving for a fix will pass.  As you experience this over and over, you will learn that you can survive without a hit, counteracting the thought that you must do something.  That is freedom.  

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