Monday, June 27, 2016

a letter to my daughter

Saying “I love you” is not love.
Being in love with you is not love.
Finding you beautiful is not love.
Having sex with you is not love.
Giving you massages is not love.
Giving you money is not love.
Giving you compliments is not love.
Helping you with your homework, chores, heavy or light-- none of that is love.
Serving you or your loved ones, even your children, that is not love either.

Neither is saying, doing or giving anything at all you have not asked for.  Even listening to you while you talk, vent or rant is not love.

These things make you feel good but they are NOT NECESSARILY LOVE.

They may in fact be toxic to you when they foster attachment to someone who makes you feel like you can depend on him to feel loved, special, needed or cared for— but who is not really there to give you what you need.

It is like sugar on berries:
Sweet but addictive and lacking real substance.
It is not love.

So what is love?

Above all, it is giving you what you ask for.
It is listening carefully to you.
It is not hurting you.
It is willingness to own mistakes when you do get hurt,
Receiving your grievances graciously,
Committing to refraining from all forms of violence against you, or being willing to learn how to do that.

Demand it.

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