A lot of
people come into my office hoping they can fix themselves between
relationships. They think of therapy as a
surgery or garage, a process that can reset your factory default settings before the screw-ups, before heartbreak, before hardship
and scars. They say, “I want to get healthy so I can have better relationships."
It doesn’t quite
work that way.
On our own, we are one person. In relationship,
another. (Unless we choose to remain a disconnected monad, a world unto ourselves, living in a parallel universe, i.e. not relating….)
The only way to have a healthy relationship is to know ourselves, know our triggers and our past strategies, the ones that worked and the ones that didn’t, and try to do something different next time round. We can figure that out in therapy but we cannot apply it. It is like the difference between having a safe car and being a good driver.
Relationships are where the rubber meets the road…
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