Sunday, July 5, 2015

boiling point

Yesterday was by far the worst day that I have had in a long time – the anxiety had me close to tears but I was able to keep it under control.  The root of the anxiety ( I think) is worry:  worry about leaving my elderly parents alone and worry about leaving my son behind for the two weeks I'll be gone.   I don’t know why it is bothering me, but it is.  It is making me sad. 

I have tried sharing my feelings with my brother about the building anxiety and how I am having a harder time keeping it all together.  As expected, his response was that I could not fall apart because mom would not be able to handle it.  I was so disappointed by that comment.  I can’t help but feel – what about me?  Am I not important in this family?

Glad you wrote. One word of advice: cry.  Take the lid off those feelings you are "trying to control" and cry.  Cry and cry some more.  Your anxiety will go down, guaranteed.  It is a law of nature (see image): the more you try to contain things (in this case emotions) that have reached a boiling point, the more pressure inside the container.

Pressure against emotions manifests as, you guessed it, anxiety!  So... decompress!  Cry.

Let me mirror back some words you used to show how you are pressuring yourself by trying to contain and control your emotions:
close to tears... but I was able to keep it under control...  worry about leaving my parents alone... and worry about leaving my son behind... it is bothering me... It is making me sad... having a hard time keeping it all together... response was that I could not fall apart... I was so disappointed...- what about me? Am I not important...?

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