Monday, July 18, 2016

empaths and narcissists, part two: how to identify a narcissist

Thanks for that last post but it left me wondering: are there any rules to help us identify narcissists; what is it that makes them generally different from empaths?

Good question!  I think you can tell a lot about people by how they respond to hurting you.

Some people will defend their intentions sooner than apologize, but will ruthlessly prosecute you when they feel hurt.  Others will do the opposite: sooner apologize than defend themselves when they’ve hurt you, but carefully consider your point of view when you’ve hurt them.

The former deny responsibility and project blame, while the latter fully own their harmful actions and graciously forgive yours.  

Narcissists and empaths.  Opposites that (alas) attract.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

the empath and narcissist

Patricia, what do you think of this article on the signs of a narcissist?  I don't like what the last part is writing about choosing a narcissist to heal childhood drama or blaming parents. 

I think the article is good.  I especially like # 7:
An empath's light is bright; highly sensitive people have a high love quotient.
Sensitivity and empathy are strengthsBut if an empath involves herself with someone who is incapable of empathy (otherwise known as a narcissist), her love eventually becomes a one-way drain.

In terms of "choosing" a narcissist to heal ourselves, I agree with you: we do not choose someone to heal us any more than we choose him to abuse us, and it is important not to blame ourselves for the way we are mistreatedThis is called “blaming the victim”.

That said, we do choose our partner.  So, if you did end up with a narcissist, or were abused by one, you had something to do with it.  At the very least, you exercised poor judgement in choosing to be with him.  Maybe your boundaries were violated as a child, or your parents failed to protect or defend your boundaries.  If so, it may be hard for you to identify the subtle dehumanizing boundary violations typical of narcissists.  (This is where childhood stuff comes in.)   

We all need to cultivate awareness of how we get into bad situations and why we stay, or we will carry our past blindly forward into other relationships.  Call it karma, intergenerational transmission or repetition compulsion, the tendency to repeat the same mistakes needs our full attention if we wish to do something about it. 

This is the meaning of sobriety, and it goes for empaths and narcissists alike.