Shakespeare (Romeo & Juliet)
With the drama of addiction, flying and crashing get progressively intertwined. Like the flower and the weed, the highs and lows start coming up together. You can no longer pull up one without the other but you keep trying, beyond your drug's ability to satisfy because it has become wired to pleasure in your brain even if, when you get a hit, now it delivers mostly pain.
This is the bond of betrayal: an insidious and progressive slavery to poisoned love.
What a phenomenal act of will to walk away! I've heard it takes months, or years, or never- it takes death- to finally break the cycle of addiction.
Even when you do walk away, they say the hand that delivers is not your own but the hand of God, a Higher Power, something greater than me, because- free to choose- I am yet powerless over my own desires. I choose only to give them up. And I mean UP.
Only then, in time (and I'm not there yet), will the hiccups of my heart stop threatening life, and my blood once again run clean.
* I have picked the caduceus as symbol for this blog post because, although it is ironically used as a symbol by physicians, it is actually a symbol of Hermes's staff, mediator between the upper and under worlds, having the power to make people fall asleep or wake them up; it was also carried by the messenger Mercury, guide of the dead and protector of merchants, liars and thieves!
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