Do Unto Others

Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.

~ Udanavarga 5:18

One of the most common causes of communication breakdown in a couple is the inability of one or both partners to communicate their needs. Generally, rather than verbalizing what we want, we drop hints (sighing, dragging our feet, complaining) then get angry at our partner for not reading our minds. To compound the problem, since nobody is saying what they need, we rely on The Golden Rule and give our partners what we want instead of what they want, while our partners are doing exactly the same thing. So everybody feels like they're giving without getting and nobody's needs are being met and you both get frustrated and end up hurting each other.

As one client said, “I've treated my husband the way I would like to be treated and then I've expected reciprocity. This has led to so much disappointment because, well, he is not me. I have been so angry for so long and have said a lot of things that I regret.”

Give your partner a chance to meet your needs. Tell him what you want.

And, rather than doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, go Silver instead. Better yet, as my dear mentor Robert Misrahi once said: “Do unto others as they would have themselves be done unto”.